Vietnam: Real Gentlemen Catch the Train

For the next leg of the journey I decide to try catching an Open Tour Bus from Hoi An to Nha Trang as somebody [I can't remember who] told me that these busses are "the" way to travel around vietnam.

Fuck you.

The sleeper bus is crammed full of backpackers, and sets off on the noisiest and bumpiest bus ride I've ever had in Vietnam.  The driver seems to aim for every pot-hole he can see, and honks at every mosquito that flies towards his window.  The seats have been designed for midgets and so I have to try and sleep with my knees up around my chest, I can't lie on my side because there are two people either side of me, and I can't sleep on my back because my shoulders are wider than the bed.  The air-con also doesn't seem to be very good and the bus becomes a sauna half-way into the night.

A sexy sauna.

Not much sleep happened that night.  And sadly because it was very much un-fun.

Personally, I'd go with the soft seat on the train - it costs about the same price, you get much more leg room, good air-con, and no constant horn tooting, swerving or bouncing.

Real gentlemen catch the train.

Vietnam: Hoi An

To be honest I'm not really blown away with Hoi An.  The old town center - while still retaining some of it's charm - is full to the brim with tourist shops - most of them selling clothes.

It looks better in my pictures

The majority of the restaurants here are also catering to tourist's tastes - with almost every menu offering pizzas, pastas, burgers, etc.  To find some proper [James - reads as cheap and tasty]  Vietnamese food you have to head out of town a little bit - not far - until you find the usual plastic chairs on the curb side filled with locals.  Even still - it's pricier than anywhere I've been so far in the northern regions of Vietnam.  Think 40,000VD for a meal instead of 20,000VD for dinner.  60,000VD+ if you dine at a tourist spot.

The next day, I fight the strong powerful urge to rent a motorbike and instead rent a bicycle.

My gooch hates me for it.

The beach is only around 3km away so it doesn't take long to get there on the single geared bike.  Heading for the closest beach to Hoi An, I bargain the bike attendant down to 1,000VD to park the bike as he doesn't seem to be getting much business today.

The prick park attendant tries to charge me 10,000VD but I give him the 1,000 that we agreed on and ride off.  I say prick now - but interestingly enough I've become used to this kind of behavior.  Constantly people are trying to make an extra buck - you just have to be firm yet polite, not budge, and don't let them get their way and they eventually back down.  Quite often after being approached by someone who tries to rip me off I give them a cheeky "I know what you're trying to do" smirk - and more often than not I get a knowing look back.

The beach itself is quite nice - complete with the requisite beach umbrellas, sun beds, and a compulsory drink purchase that I guess Europeans know and love.

Real men use beach towels on the sand.

After chilling for an hour or so, I set off down the cost to find Cua Dai beach which a road sign has said is only 3km away.  A kilometer down the road there is another sign saying Cua Dai is 6km away and that confuses me a little bit.  I manage to ride straight past the beach and further down the coast.  It's amazing and sad that there is nothing but construction along this coast.  Resorts, hotels and villas - all halfway finished, their concrete walls towering over the ocean.  In parts, construction is happening on the beach - the engineers are trying to divert the beach itself and turn it into a private resort's own little slice of paradise.

Eventually I reach a dead end and a river, so I turn back and sit on the beach for a while.  It's much the same as the last beach - but more crowded - which could be good thing or a bad thing.  It depends how you like your beaches.

Palmy

Vietnam: Train from Hue to Da Nang / Hoi An

It's become apparent to me that the majority of tourists take the bus from Hue to Hoi An instead of the train.  This is because once you arrive in Da Nang, you need to find other means of getting from the train station in Da Nang to Hoi An which is another 20 minute drive away.  According to the internet [which knows all and is never wrong] the scenery on the train route is much more spectacular than the road as it hugs the coastline as it crawls up the slopes and down the other side.  At some points the hillside is so steep that you can't even see the land below you and all you can see is vast expanse of the South China Sea.  Now don't get me wrong - it was extremely comfortable, and the view was spectacular - but I think I've been spoiled by having this kind of scenery in abundance back home in New Zealand.  Trade in those wonderful leafy palmy Vietnamese jungle trees in for your New Zealand evergreen of choice and you've got a similar picture.

And I don't care - I loved every single minute of the two hour up and down over the hills and absolutely recommend it to anybody traveling that way.

ProTip:  If heading from Hue to Da Nang, try and book a seat on the left hand side of the train, if heading north from Da Nang to Hue, book a seat on the right hand side for the best view.  Failing that - walk to one of the smoking areas in-between carriages and you can have an unobstructed view out the window.

On arrival in Da Nang, I'm greeted by the usual taxi hustlers trying to get your business.  The first chap that approaches me says he can take me in a minivan for US$17.  I bargain him down to 60,000VD (about US$2.80) for the ride into town - sharing the van with three other people from the train.  The van driver turns out to be a lovely chap who is eager to show us some sights on the way and promote his private tour business.  It's a shame he tried to short change me by 5,000VD.

Vietnam: Hue (Part 4 - Citadel)

Warning: This post contains no humorous content.  You have been warned.


I originally planned to find a couple more tombs on my motorbike, but Tu Doc Tomb was larger and took longer to walk around than expected, so I decide to visit the Citadel in Hue as I'm leaving on the train tomorrow.  After having to manually kick-start the motorbike as the starter motor seems to have died, I head back to town, stopping off at the train station to buy a ticket to Da Nang.  Sadly, the ticket lady won't sell me a Hard Seat and so I have to get a a Soft Seat.  At 70,000VD I guess it's not too bad - but I would have preferred the hard seat to be honest.  It's only a 4-5 hour trip!

Back on the bike and across one of the bridges spanning the Perfume River, I arrive at the Citadel which you can think of as the smaller Vietnamese version of the Forbidden City in Beijing.

Sadly, most of the buildings here were destroyed in the war, but it's still worth a visit.  The entire complex is surrounded by a beautiful lily-filled moat and stone wall.  Inside, you can find the odd remaining building here and there, but the majority of buildings were destroyed at some point in the 20th century which is a damn shame.


Unlike Tu Doc tomb, there were a few more tourists here but since the area is so large you can quite easily walk around and avoid the small tour groups if you wish to do so.

Tucked away in a corner of the citadel were two elephants.  This is one of them.  In front of a grave stone.  See, even the captions aren't funny.

After returning the motorbike at 5pm, and a quick shower, it's time for a leisurely stroll back across the bridge to North Hue to get some dinner.  Oh yeah by the way - I heartily recommend driving a motorbike across the river bridge at rush hour for quite an experience.


Protip:  Walk past the restaurants boasting about their recommendations in Lonely Planet and TripAdvisor etc. - their menus strangely are full of western food, and their prices are over inflated.  You can find much better and cheaper meals at one of the many restaurants along the dark road beside the moat and outer citadel wall.







Part 1: Lame
Part 2: Better
Part 3: Mildly educational
Part 4: Not Funny

Vietnam: Hue (Part 3 - Tu Doc Tomb)

As per the helpful guides instructions that I will find the Tu Doc tomb 2km away, I finally arrive there - 500 metres down the road.  The entrance fee is 55,000VD (10,000 for Vietnamese - lucky me!) but well worth it!  Walking in through the front gate you are greeted by a royal pond filled with lilies, and today the grounds are dotted with 50 or so art students drawing still life.

Get a job

Opposite the pond is a rather grand set of buildings where the emperor lived during the latter part of his reign before his death, which also includes a concert hall, and sadly only some ruins where once stood the house of Teh Emperor's Ladies.

They weren't courted for their masonry skills if you know what I mean...

If you come to Tu Doc tomb, I recommend first taking a right across the stream, past the building beside the lily pond.  This is the way I went, and it lead to a number of wonderful surprises, each bigger than the last.  Walking along the path in the gloomy drizzle I arrive at the bottom of some slippery steps.  Later I find that if I'd gone the other way I would have read the information sign explaining what this was, but this was better - I climbed up not knowing what I would find. 

All I know is It Belongs In A Museum!!

At the top of the stairs in a small complex, I find a small tomb.  It's quite beautiful in the gloomy rain, no sounds at all nearby.  

Not the kind of place that you want to hear sounds nearby.

God my legs are sexy.  Hmm, what was I saying?

Later I learn that this is the tomb of the Emperor's adopted son, who had a short reign after his death.

Further exploring the grounds, I come across an even grander entrance to a tomb that belongs to the first wife of the Emperor.  I'm finding the architecture and tranquility stunningly beautiful.

To-mb-many pictures of tombs.

Some say it's To-mb-uch to handle   Tomb-orrow I'll - ok I'll stop now.  Sorry.  I won't do it again.

I saved the grandest for last - walking up a small hill, I'm greeted by a larg Stele [That's big funeral enscriptiony stoney thing to simple folk like you] and two large obelisks.  

And one Asterix

Behind them is a pond lined with trees, and stairs leading up to the Emperor Tu Doc's tomb.  This one is the largest so far - but feels empty and lonely to me.  The truth is - Tu Doc's body isn't actually buried here.  Purportedly, when the Emperor died his body was secretly taken away and buried in a hidden location.  When the 200 hundred workers returned from burying the Emperor, they were beheaded so that no-one would find the location. 

Now that story is badass.

The best part about Tu Doc tomb, is that apart from the art students, I only saw at most 10 tourists.  Maybe it was the drizzle or the time of year, but it was brilliant being able to explore the tomb site undisturbed and alone.



Part 1: Lame
Part 2: Better
Part 3: Mildly educational
Part 4: Not Funny

Vietnam: Hue (Part 2)

Today I want to see some of the old Vietnamese Emperor tombs [multiple emperors [[emperori??]]- not one guy with his leg in a tomb over here, an arm over there etc etc] plus the Hue citadel so I have a lot of trekking to do.  The citadel is walkable in about 20 minutes from my accommodation, but the tombs are between 5 and 40 kilometers away from the centre of Hue so I intend to rent a bicycle to get around.

Naturally, I rented a motorbike.


Walking down the road to compare the hotel's bicycle rental prices with a rental shop down the road, I come across a chap wanting to rent out a motorcycle.  I bargained him down to 130,000VD for the day which I thought was a reasonable price for a full day's riding (about 6 bucks).  My vague plan is to first visit Ho Quyen Arena, which sounds badass to me.  Back in the 19th century, the arena was used to pit elephants and lions against each other in a battle to the death.

A battle of cuteness!!!!!  (*･∀･)／♡＼(･∀･*)

Source: http://lapar.com/

I'm pretty good at reading maps, but the map that I am given from the hotel desk is vague at best, and inaccurate at worst.  Stopping locals and asking for help doesn't help either, as out of Hue central away from the tourist touts, no-one seems to be able to speak any English, and when they look at the map they develop a very confused look on their face and give the sorry I can't help you hand signals.  After some to -ing and fro-ing for about an hour trying to find this god-damned arena I finally give up and head off-road to find Tu Doc Tomb after a brief coffee at a cafe.

James needs his crack

A few kilometers away, after using my mental GPS system, I arrive at the end of a small dirt road and find a small empty tourist bus at the end of it which is always a good sign.  I pull up next to the bus driver.

"Is this Tu Doc Tomb?" I ask.
He frantically gestures for me to go up the hill past the closed chain.
Are you sure? I communicate waving my arms.
Yes, go that way! he flails back.
Thank You.


I proceed to drive the motorbike around the gate, and stop just in time to see a nasty string of barbed wire across the trees.  They don't seem to want me to go up there - but the bus driver does.

Bus driver wins.

Navigating 10 meters or so into the forest I can go around the barbed wire and up some small dirt trails to the hilltop.  At the hilltop I'm greeted with some concrete bunkers, and a spectacular view of the Perfume river.

Protip:  Not actually made of perfume.  Don't make the same mistake I did.

Not quite the tomb I was looking for but interesting nonetheless - especially since I have no idea where I am or what this place is.

The quietest place in Vietnam is what this place is.

After a few minutes of unusual silence the tour group comes clambering around the corner of a ridge.  It turns out this is a famous Vietnam War (aka the American War) location.
The tour guide points me in the right direction to the tomb I'm looking for - go back to the main road, turn right, and 2 kilometers down the road I will find it....  off we go!


Part 1: Lame
Part 2: Better
Part 3: Mildly educational
Part 4: Not Funny

Vietnam: Hue (Part 1)

It rained the first night there.

Yup

I got wet.

Uh huh

I had beer.

And I wanted to steal the home made opener.

But I didn't.

CSB (Cool story bro)

I'll make sure Part 2 is more interesting.




Part 1: Lame
Part 2: Better
Part 3: Mildly educational
Part 4: Not Funny