Vietnam: Sapa (Part 1) - Train Ride to Lao Cai

I walk to Hanoi train station (the northbound side) to meet my friends to catch the overnight train to Lao Cai.  We've glitzed it up by booking seats in a "soft seat" cabin.

Balla.

ProTip:  The northbound trains leave from the western side of the station on Trần Quý Cáp (you have to travel around the block to get there) and the southbound trains leave from the east side of the station on Lê Duẩn.


My friends bring out the entertainment for the night - a pack of cards - and procede to play vietnamese poker.  I watch and try and learn how to play but it makes no sense to me and I don't quite fancy the idea of being completely covered in makeup at the end of it as punishment for losing.

I see your ox and raise you three chickens

Eventually in the wee hours of the morning we attempt to go to sleep.

Damn it's hot in here.

It just keeps getting hotter and hotter - almost impossible to sleep.  The air-con doesn't seem to be working.

Not sleeping.  Not sleeping.

A strong, weird metallic smell wafts through the cabin.  Half of the cabin gets up and runs down to the next caboose.  It turns out the air-con has crapped it's pants so I go and hang out in the next car for a while - it's the hard seat cabin.  Funnily enough - the cabin literally has hard seats made of wood.

Recommended by your local chiropractor.

It may be the cheap seats, but it's oh so heavenly in here with air-con cranking.  After a lengthy stop at a train platform, word gets through the Vietnamese ranks that the air-con has been fixed so we all head back to our seats and set off again.  It's still rather warm though and lack of sleep ensues.  It's becoming apparent that the air-con is still not working, and eventually another waft of metallic scent combined with a cloud of odd looking smoke comes barreling down the cabin.

It wasn't me.

"Everybody to the next cabin!" one of the uniformed staff shouts (in Vietnamese of course - I am fluent don't you know...) and everybody hurriedly grabs their bags and rushes into the hard seat cabin to find a seat for the rest of the journey.   I sit next to two old men and we exchange nods and smiles.

A middle-aged woman gets on at one of the train stations and starts selling corn to passengers.  She stops and starts selling some cobs to a couple directly opposite me when somebody further  down the carriage yells out.  The woman looks down the corridor past my head, quickly shoves her basket of goods under the table and then proceeds to half run, half trot the other way down the train - chased by a uniformed guard.  I guess he didn't catch her because in 5 minutes she's back to pick up her basket and continue selling her wares.

Quick!! Catch her!!!               Nap.

To be continued...

Vietnam: Hot Pot and Karaoke

Another night out in Hanoi - out for dinner with the girls again.  This time we have street Vietnamese hot pot and are joined by one of their workmates.

Pot is Vietnamese for James

Naturally we start drinking rice wine (shots) which I must say goes down rather nicely.  Soon another friend turns up with a bottle of Vietnamese tequila with two large scorpions in it.

Because killing animals for garnish is FUN.

More shots.  More rice wine.

Yo!!!!

When you're Vietnamese and you're drunk the only logical thing to do is go motorbike riding to find karaoke!  The first venue is full.

Damn.  

Back down the other end of town again - this time on the back of a different bike.

 I wish I didn't have a girl's helmet on.

Karaoke is open for business!  Sadly, we are terrible singers so we have to drink more beer to take the pain away.

And a lot of beer was needed that night.

Vietnam: Bia Hoi Hanoi

Back in Hanoi again, my current travel buddy has left for London, and I have struck up a conversation with some hotel staff at breakfast time.  Next thing you know it's 3pm and we're having Bia Hoi at a local establishment.


Drink


Plastic chairs.

Drink


Low tables.

Me and 4 girls from the hotel.

Corn snacks


Drink


Mmmm.

Drinksh


Pork rubs

7000VD for a beaar. Food is a bit moore expunsive than the beeeer but what do I care.

Drinkssssssssssss

Rinse and repaet.

It wash a good nihgt.

Needless to say I won the drinking competition.  Pussy.

ProTip:  Look for Bia Hoi further away from the backpacker centre of town.  Food and beer is cheaper there, and you'll likely meet some friendly locals to have a toast or two with.

Vietnam: Perfume Pagoda (Part 2) and an Accident

Although I am a Manly Man, I had already been convinced by the tour guide to purchase a one-way ticket on the cable-car so I caught it back down the mountain instead of walking.

It's quite possibly the most exciting cable-car I have ever been in.  To picture what it was like, combine the following ingredients:

1.  Vietnam safety standards
2.  Cable-car speed set to Turbo
3.  4 large wasps buzzing around in the cab
4.  Tiny openable windows that aren't big enough for the wasps to find and escape

Ha ha the joke is on you!  There are no safety standards.

Needless to say - I didn't have too much time to relax and enjoy the view but it was actually better than walking as you can see quite far across the mountain range on the way down,  and you get to see the pagoda trail from above snaking it's way upward.

The view only makes them angrier -
wasps are afraid of heights because they have small wings.  

Once back at the bottom, we take a quick peek at the nifty old temple there complete with badass warrior statues before hopping back on the boat for a leisurely ride back to the minivan.

They burn one incense stick for every wasp victim of the month.

Partway along the trip back to Hanoi, we come to a sudden halt.  One car ahead of us there is a crowd of motorcyclists blocking the road in the middle of the village we are passing through.  It seems like we won't be moving for a while so we get out to investigate.

In the middle of the road lie two motorbikes, and two bodies.  A middle aged and an elderly woman have had a collision.  One of them seems to be alive but bloody and somebody is watching over them intently - the other one is motionless and drenched in blood, and nobody seems to be giving them any attention.  After a couple of minutes an arm moves so they're both still alive for now.

Nobody is allowed to move the accident victims until the police arrive to see what happened.  Eventually some policemen arrive, and the women are hastily lifted onto the back of motorbikes, perched between two people and whisked off to what I hope will be a hospital.  Hopefully they didn't have any spinal or neck injuries or it could be permanent the way they were handled like that.

Kind of like Tom Green - Not funny.

ProTip:  Don't get involved in an accident in Vietnam - it could take a quite while to get medical attention, and they won't touch you until the police arrive.





More photos can be viewed here on Flickr

Vietnam: Perfume Pagoda (Part 1)

Another day, another tour - this time I'm off to see the Perfume Pagoda - a mountainous area covered in Buddhist temples and shrines that the tour guide tells us is only accesible by river.

I guess the Jeeps just float around on their tyres...

After arriving by minibus and buying some sexy vietnamese hats to save us from the scorching sun we prepare to pile onto long metal rowboats that are waiting to take punters down the river.  In wonderfully typical Vietnamese fashion, as we are waiting for our turn to hop aboard, a huge argument breaks out (presumably over who gets take people next), and more and more rowers drift across the river to come and join in the fun.

Uh uh - Don't go there sister.

Interestingly, the job of rowing tourists down the river seems to be exclusively reserved for women.  There are also many more women who need work in the area than there are boats and so each boat lady only gets about two rides per year.  This means that they rely on tips from tourists for their income so don't be stingy.


ProTip: Don't ride the boat with no pants on - the seats are metal and get very very hot.




This time of year in September the river is very quiet and serene and there are hardly any tourists here.  The ride takes about an hour and our boat is powered solely by Woman.

And Woman is powered by Talking On Phone

The boat ride is peppered with fishermen, tombs on the water, and boatmen rowing past using their feet to push the oars.  Only men row using their feet here - apparently it's not ladylike for a woman to do it that way.

During the peak time between January and March when the country's largest festival is on around 1.5 Million Vietnamese people come from all over the country to visit the area - that would be quite a sight to see!

I had to settle for this...

As is the law in asia, since this is a tourist spot which involves a hill or mountain, there is also a cable-car to take you to the top.  I could easily catch the cable-car up and down but no - I am a hard man made of steel and pheromones.  I begin the long climb up the mountain along a cobblestone path - past the gateway to a temple, and continue beyond the cable-car entrance.  Walling the stone path are rows and rows of empty store-fronts as it snakes it's way up the hill.  The entire 4 kilometer uphill hike is flanked by these stalls - it's hard to believe that they stretch the entire way up the mountain - it must be absolutely mad during festival season.  Occasionally along the way I come across a stall that is actually occupied by an old lady or young girl and they are selling some fruit, water, plastic toy guns or other miscellaneous trinkets.

and small snacks.

The only time you get reprieve from the store-fronts is when you take a detour off of the main path to one of the many pagodas strewn about the mountains.

The stairs won't give you any sympathy though...

Finally at the sweaty top of the mountain I'm greeted with some picturesque stone steps leading down into a jungly cave.

Caution: Large Boulders

It's nice and cool in there and a good end to the trip.  The misty cave entrance is definitely worth the hike - even though it's a fraction of the size of the Surprising Cave in Ha Long Bay, I think it's more spectacular.    Maybe it's the reward after the sweaty trek up the hill in the heat or the Indiana Jones feel to it - but it's great.

Just Great.

More photos can be viewed here on Flickr

Vietnam: Ha Long Bay

Ha Long Bay is one of those places that's on everybody's itinerary who visits Hanoi.  The area has also experienced a boom in popularity since it had wide exposure in the "Vietnam Special" Top Gear episode a few years ago.  I opt to go on a two day tour arranged by the front desk of my hotel, and am picked up early in the morning for the long drive.  Along the way I get my first taste of country traffic where the general rules of thumb are:


1. Honk your horn if you are going to do anything at all 
2. Who Is Bigger Wins.

I call it a draw.

When we arrive at Ha Long Bay after the obligatory rest stop in a large nick-nack store we land in tourist hell.  There is a metaphorical ocean of tourists here at the boat dock, and the literal ocean is full of identical tourist boats.  So many new tourism operators have set up shop here over the last couple of years that the government had to step in and cap the total number of tourist boats operating in the area.

This is behind the photographer in every Ha Long Bay pic

Our boat is actually quite nice - and since it was a mid-price range tour (about $100) the meals are good and the staff are friendly and helpful enough.  We set off into the bay and get in amongst the rock formations jutting out of the water.

It's like Guilin but more wet.

In the afternoon our activities include going into the Surprising Cave (which was given it's name because it has a rock formation in it that surprisingly looks like a penis), kayaking around the boat people's houses, and jumping off of the top of the boat into the water.  Jumping off of the boat was my favorite bit until someone's evening garbage floated by.  If only it had been jellyfish....

The boat people are quite fascinating - many people grow up on the water in boat houses and live their whole lives there - only making weekly trips to the mainland to buy supplies such as car batteries to power their night lights and televisions.

The lights are to scare away the Boat Ninjas...

They even have a floating school where sometimes kids have to swim to class if their father is using the boat that morning for fishing.


Later that evening we go fishing for squid off the back of the boat.  I don't think there are any squid here.  A fellow kiwi managed to catch a hat with a crab on it though which was quite exciting.
Anyway, I don't care that there's no squid to catch - it's relaxing, peaceful and quiet - having a beer on the back of the boat exchanging stories about monkey attacks and the like.  Peaceful until the night is rounded off with a bout of karaoke.

I apologize profusely to the other people sleeping on the boat.

Vietnam: Hoan Kiem Lake

Hoan Kiem Lake in the old heart of Hanoi has to be one of the most romantic spots I've ever been to.  As luck would have it a long public holiday celebrating Uncle Ho was looming and so there were colorful lanterns all around the perimeter of the lake.  A couple of weeks later I found out that this is not always the case - most of the time you only get boring white lights around the lake.

Thanks Uncle Ho

It's no wonder that local couples flock here to sit on the edge of the lake among the willows and lanterns - escaping the motorcycle madness, hustle and bustle of the surrounding streets.

And lonely old men.

ProTip: You can see the colorful lanterns surrounding the lake in early August.

Woman Exercising by Hoan Kiem Lake