China: Shanghai Proposition

After successfully buying some tickets for 4 other friends and myself on the fast train to Nanjing, we arrive at Shanghai Train Station and head through the boarding gate.  The big red beeping X on the ticket gate signals that I successfully managed to buy tickets for the wrong day.  


Somewhere along the line my request for tickets written down in Chinese by my hostel staff ended up with tickets for Saturday instead of Friday - I'm not sure if it was the hostel staff or the ticket booth lady that made the mistake - but shit happens - you try and adapt and not get too much of it on your chinos.

We go to the ticket counter to exchange our tickets for another train and find that all the fast trains that night are sold out, and the only train left is the 11pm 'normal' train which turns a 1.5 hour trip into 4 hours.

Two chinese men approach one of our own chinese and say: "If you come quick, we have tickets for the next fast train - it takes only 1.5 hours and it will only cost you an extra 50 Yuan!".

I should interject at this point to let you know that no - you haven't all of a sudden learned how to speak Chinese.  In case you were wondering (and possibly terrified) as to how you could understand these Chinese gentlemen, I have taken the liberty of translating this story into English for you.  For the Chinese readers of this story - I apologize for the fact that I will continue using English for the next 4 years while it is still the international language.

In the rush and confusion she wants to go along with them, but I say "Hold on [bitches]!"

I checked the timetable and the train that they are talking about takes over 2.5 hours, so they are clearly bullshitting and I'm not in the mood to be on the receiving end of a scam tonight.  So we buy the tickets for 11pm and go sit in the square with some beers.

Which is where things start to get interesting.

A Kiwi, a British Indian, a Dutch, and two Chinese walk into a square...

After 30 minutes of chilling we are approached my a dapper gentleman who speaks through one of our chinese [friends] to Dutch and myself.  He wants to know if we are interested in working for him.

OK.

Apparently we look swedish and can make a lot of money working in "bars".  He already has two swedish guys working for him and he says they make a lot of money.

"You can also work at Bar Rouge" - which is one of the high profile clubs in Shanghai.

Go on.

"Do we have to work for boys or girls?" we ask through the translator.

"Both".

"Even though we are suavely dressed, we're not really into men."

"Drink lots of Baijiu - it makes it easier."


Well I'm totally flattered - but I can't quite figure out how there came to be two swedish chaps that made it all the way to Shanghai, only to need money so badly that they have to pimp themselves out to men and women while drinking hard liquor to take away the pain.  Oh you crazy swedes and your shenanigans!



11pm comes around and we take the slow train to Nanjing.  We don't arrive till 3am, and further get to bed until 4am, but I sure had fun seeing how many things I could stack on British Indian while she was sleeping.

China - Beijing 798 Art District

One of the coolest places to go in Beijing is the ever-expanding art district.  It's a huge complex of art galleries in deco buildings, with a healthy splattering of sculptures in every nook and cranny.  If you're into that sort of thing you can easily spend a whole day wandering around admiring the buildings, sculptures and galleries.  I think the only thing missing is that it needs to be a bit "grittier" for an art district.  It's a little sterile and clean at the moment - perhaps that's a little representative of the contemporary art scene here?

China: The Great Wall

In a typical effort to avoid tour groups and tour buses I decide to catch the train to the Great Wall of China.

The Great Train Station of China

The train leaves from Beijing North station and eventually arrives at Badaling which is the most famous touristey bit of the wall (though from what I am told from others who have visited the other sections - they are also just as touristic).  At the time of travelling it was only 6Yuan (US 95c - bargain!) each way and it's a comfortable train ride followed by a 200m walk to the great wall.
Somewhere along the line someone in the council planning forgot to put in a footpath from the train station to the great wall tourist attraction so much of the walk is spent walking along the side of a highway.  This is China.

The first thing I notice about the wall is that it's really lacking the younger tourists and backpacker types that you see elsewhere in asia.  The great wall is bustling with old grey folk who obviously have the GWOC on their bucket list - and they're about to kick said bucket.  I actually thought one old chap was having a heart attack halfway up one of the steep bits.  He actually wasn't sadly so I didn't have a chance to steal his wallet.


ProTip:  Walk in the opposite direction to the really high bit of the wall and if you're lucky like me you'll get an entire kilometer or so of wall all to yourself.

Well..  me and my B-boy and B-girl

After being there - I agree with the oldies - it should be on your bucket list.  In my opinion it's probably the coolest thing to see in China.  Hell it's got to be one of the best things to see in All Of Asia.

Do it. 

China: Forbidden City and Tiananmen Square

It's big.

...but could do with a bit more variety in it's architecture.  (Yeah - I'm a dick.)

Notably this is the first time in a big city in China where I have been a novelty as a whitey - it's a common occurrence for "out-of-towners" to ask for a photograph of me.  It must be because I look like Brad Pitt...

I don't have a whole lot to say about Forbidden City and Tiananmen Square so I'll show you a few random photographs that I took instead:

China: Shai Zi - A Drinking Game

The most fun I've had in a pub in a long time is a chinese drinking game called Shai Zi.  Think of it as a simple version of poker designed to get you drunk as fast as possible, while being easy enough to play drunk.

Well, everything is easy when you're drunk.  I'm typing tghsi right now and I'm  drunk.  LIke to see you do that sober.  Whachoo lookin at??

Here's the rules as I know them if anybody is interested:

Everybody gets a cup and five dice each.  You shuffle your dice, then look at what you have without letting anybody else know what you have.  Loser starts first by betting how many of a particular number are on the table (including everybody's cups).  For example:  "Four Threes".
Then you go round the table in a clockwise, and each person has to either raise the bet, or call the player's bluff.  Raising the bet means that one of the numbers that you say has to increase.  If the previous person said "four threes", then the next person can say "four sixes", or "five twos" but can't say "four twos".
Once somebody has been called, everybody raises their cups and the dice are counted.  If you lied and are called, you drink.  If you call someone and they haven't lied, you drink.  Easy.


Oh, and ones are wildcards, but if somebody bets on ones then it is no longer a wildcard.

We also added the rule of thumbmaster which accelerated the proceedings...

China: Beijing - Bullet Train and Karaoke Scam

So I find myself in Beijing after an exciting bullet train ride (it's exciting because it might crash at any minute) and I'm settled into my hostel for the week.

I'm too terrified to scream

Now I'd like to interject myself here and go on record by saying that China is one of those places where you probably don't want a hostel room with an ensuite.  It's one of a list of many countries where the plumbing can't handle toilet paper and so things can get rather smelly as you have to put your toilet paper in the bin.  Occasionally (especially in some bars) you come across a toilet where somebody has insisted on flushing the paper and lets just say that things get a little... messy.  I'm writing this at a cafe right now.  Just had some chocolate cake and it's sort of smeared a bit on the plate.  MMmmm.

Anyway,  my new friend from the hostel (ha! - a bloody Australian) had just arrived in Beijing from an overland rail trip from Moscow and had already fallen for one of those typical China tourist scams.  He was out for a stroll on the street when he was approached by two girls.  
We should probably assume that he was targeted because he was wearing one of those hats with corks dangling off of them to keep the flies off (I don't know why but flies love Australians).
After chatting for a bit they invite him to go sing karaoke at a karaoke club.  Off they go, and a few beers and songs later (no doubt singing the Australian national anthem: Tie Me Kangaroo Down several times) and he's downstairs in the lobby and asked to pay the bill.

And this is the point where he notices that the front door has been locked with a bicycle chain.

The bill comes to about AUS$350 which at the current exchange rate is probably enough to by a Porche with enough change left over to buy the requisite toupée (Australia's crap beer export market is booming - anyone fancy a Fosters?).  He got off lucky compared to some people who fall for the tea scam in Shanghai but still...

ProTip:  When travelling, try to avoid being Australian at all costs - it will only end badly.

Singapore: Formula 1

I didn't know it at the time but Formula One happened to coincide with my time back in Singapore.  This made it extremely difficult to find a bed for the night, and practically impossible to find one for cheap.

Bastards.

Out of spite for them I bought a one day ticket to the qualifying race.

Rrreeeeeeoooooowwrrrrrr

Rowwrrrrrrrrrr

I learned three things that night:

1.  Formula 1 cars are very loud.

2.  Shakira is very wiggly.

3.  Shaggy is old.

That is all.